Hi Reader, here’s the next part of this email series to help you to master your mind!

It seems like our default setting is to believe that our circumstances are the cause of our emotions. For example ‘I’m sad because I didn’t get the job”.

However, our emotions are rooted in our thinking patterns, rather than what happens to us. I might be feeling sad because I’m thinking “I’m such a failure” or “This career will never work out” or ‘Nothing good ever happens to me”. When we allow our thinking to be mindless, then we run the risk of getting stuck in thought patterns that are distorted, untrue, or unhelpful.

"We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are."

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Black-and-white thinking, also known as all-or-nothing thinking, is a cognitive distortion or thinking error that distorts our reality and contributes to anxiety, depression, and other mental illnesses.

This video, explains what black-and-white thinking is and how to change it in order to have better mental health and relationships: Black-and-White Thinking: Cognitive Distortion #1​

When we start to notice our thinking, we can also gain power over it. We begin to realise that our feelings are not facts and neither are our thoughts. This allows us to make space for multiple ways of thinking about a situation - “Grey Thinking”. When we do that we can choose which of the thoughts to believe in and act upon.

The “Benefits” of Negative Thinking

Everyone says ‘Be positive” but almost everyone spends some time thinking negatively. Why is that?

Negative thinking is comfortable. Often it is an attempt at self-protection, for example, have you ever heard someone say “I’d rather expect to fail, and be pleasantly surprised than to expect to succeed and be disappointed”. Negative thinking is just another subtle way to attempt to avoid pain, we seek to protect ourselves from disappointment by expecting the worst.

When this type of thinking is habitual it changes from a defense mechanism to a paradigm. The whole way we see the world becomes distorted, leading to depression, anxiety, anger, loneliness, and unachieved dreams. Again, short-term avoidance leads to long-term suffering.

The side benefits we get from negative thinking make it hard to let go of. It’s often not helpful to say “Just be positive” because people simply don’t believe, or don’t want to risk believing the positive thoughts. Yet, if we want to overcome distorted or negative thinking we have to recognise it and replace it with more truthful or helpful thinking.

Basically, it comes down to this: “Don’t believe everything you think”. Challenge your thoughts, look for exceptions or evidence to the contrary. This is going to require you to open yourself up to a little vulnerability, but it will also allow you the chance to enjoy life and to feel happier.

💡 Mindset hacks:

1. Write about how negative thinking or black-and-white thinking serves to protect you or is avoidant.

2. If you were to be more truthful, hopeful, or vulnerable what would you think, say, or do differently?

3. Are you aware of any thoughts that you think regularly that may be causing problems in your life? If so, what are they? Write them down.

4. How does that way of thinking affect you?

5. Write a few examples of “Grey Thinking” that you could replace those thoughts with.

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​“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change” - Max Planck

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Warm wishes

~ Gaynor ~

​Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) is the quickest and easiest way to resolve deep-seated issues and bring about lasting change

Rapid Transformational Therapy gives you the power to make different choices.

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