Hello Reader,

Here's another instalment in my mindset series.

No matter what kind of challenges we are facing, the mindset we assume to overcome them will greatly determine if we do overcome the challenge. Our mindset will influence how we approach the subject and how much we enjoy the time we have while we are overcoming the challenge.

As Dr. Wayne Dyer used to say, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

The key question is…

💡 How will you choose to look at things…

When you can choose to see yourself as failing or persevering.

When you can choose to avoid challenging issues or take action to make changes.

When you can choose to do more of the same, or get to the root of your challenges to move to where you really want to be.

When you can choose to understand your mind and give it clear and direct messages about what you want it to do.

💡 How will you choose to look at things?

Your thoughts influence your world. “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so,” said William Shakespeare. To think is to create. Your thoughts create your reality. Your thoughts influence your actions and behavior.

A change in your thoughts leads to a change in behaviour and eventually in your world. What do you tell yourself? Do these negative statements sound familiar?

· I’ve never succeeded before, why would now be any different?

· People make up their minds and there’s nothing that can be done about it.

· I’m too young or too old to change.

💡 Learn this important lesson from Dr. Phil McGraw when he said, “If you continue to do what you’ve always done, you will continue to have what you’ve always had. If you do different, you will have different.”

Unfortunately, some of the behavioural patterns that you learned in life have become automatic. You do not even think about your response anymore. You do not allow yourself to evaluate the cause and effect of this behaviour; you are just operating on autopilot. It may seem easier to let go and not think about the consequences. In the end, you will realise that certain behaviour patterns will not continue to work for you.

By remaining static and not changing the pattern of behaviour, you repeat the old habits repeatedly. It is important to stop, think, and re-evaluate whether a learned behaviour is really working for you or has become another crutch to keep you stuck.

There is a reason why you keep getting stuck and unable to move forward. When you continue to repeat a bad pattern repeatedly, you are doing it for a reason. You must find the reason in order to change the behaviour. Change the behaviour in order to change your life for the better.

Whether you want to drop some weight, upgrade your diet, exercise more frequently, cut back on alcohol, quit smoking, get therapy to resolve a phobia, or coaching to help with achieving any goal, ambivalence about making that change will probably be part of the equation. Chances are, the ambivalence has less to do with the goal itself and more to do with the work and discomfort that may lie on the path to achieving it.

“With every change, people have some ambivalence, because change means moving out of something you’re comfortable or familiar with and into something that’s not familiar. It disrupts the person’s life a bit,” said Carlo DiClemente, professor emeritus in psychology at the University of Maryland Baltimore County and author of “Addiction and Change.”

Ambivalence, which essentially means having conflicting thoughts and feelings about something, makes many people uncomfortable. This discomfort is created because the mind cannot hold two conflicting beliefs at the same time. So we go back and for between “I should ……….…..” “But ………..(it’s too hard/it won't work/it’s too late, etc).

Whatever your personal excuses to yourself for not taking action to change, we all go through some ambivalence when we’re in the contemplation phase of change. It is a normal, though frustrating, part of considering changing. Problems arise when people get stuck in this phase and buy into their reasons not to take action

Ambivalence isn’t something that we have to get rid of. It has to be acknowledged, and when it pops up, it needs to be addressed in terms of what’s behind it: Is it that you don’t actually want to achieve this particular goal, or is the issue that it’s too much work?

Experiencing ambivalence can be seen as a virtue, says William R. Miller, author of the book “On Second Thought: How Ambivalence Shapes Your Life.” Ambivalence is a process of evaluation, comparing the relative positives and negatives of possible choices. Being able to see various options and possibilities and choose among them.

By contrast, “if you ignore ambivalence, you won’t have as strong a decision that leads to a solid commitment,” DiClemente says. Ignoring ambivalence may lead you to build a plan that doesn’t address some of the challenges you’re trying to avoid, which could impede your progress. Ambivalence feeds procrastination and can keep you stuck.

To improve your life and change unhelpful habits, start to use your ambivalence to help with your decision-making.

💡 There are 6 ways you can do that in my blog Discover What’s Stopping You Changing: 6 ways to break free. You can read it on my website.

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Warm wishes

~Gaynor~